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In the recent survey carried out
for the Healthy Bladder Campaign, we found that bladder problems came second
only to sexual problems as a subject people would not feel comfortable talking
about to a friend. So when these two problems are occurring at the same time, it
must be even harder to try and cope.
Tricia Barnes, a sex and relationship
psychotherapist from London says, "On their own, sexual intimacy and
bladder control are often very difficult topics for people to talk about.
Coupled together, they can cause people to be even less willing to communicate
openly."
Of course bowel problems can also affect your
relationships, both emotionally and physically. "It is only natural for
people with a problem like fecal incontinence to worry about how the problem
will affect their interest in and ability to take part in sexual activities.
They may worry even more about how the problem will affect their partner's
interest in the sexual side of the relationship. Or how and when to tell a
prospective partner about the problem, and how the person will react."
(Keeping Control: Understanding and Overcoming Fecal Incontinence, by Dr Marvin
M Schuster and Jacqueline Wehmueller, John Hopkins University Press)
The most common piece of advice given to people
with any kind of problem within their relationship is talk to their partner
about it. Some people might feel fine talking about such personal and intimate
issues. For others it can be more of a worry. If you would like more information
about how to discuss personal issues with your partner, and think that seeing a
counsellor might help, you could contact Relate (branches throughout the UK) on
0845 456 1310.
However, even if you have discussed your
feelings with your partner, the practicalities of how to continue a sexual
relationship can still be a cause for concern. Here are some suggestions:
- Empty your bladder or bowel before sex
- Men can use a condom to collect any small
amount of urine that may be lost during sex
- Cover the bed with a towel, or bedcover with
a waterproof backing
- Catheters can be taped out of the way during
sex
- Light scented candles. Not only are they
sensual, but can also help to mask any odours
This is by no means an exhaustive list. Speak
to your partner to see what ideas you can come up with together. After all,
no-one knows your problems and your body as well as you do.
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